just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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