Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
