Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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