Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
