I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
