i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
