The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
