Do you still have your period?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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