I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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