honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are two peas in an std pod
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
