My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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