Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
