I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
