You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
