So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
