i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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