i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
