is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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