guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
