i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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