she woke up with a sticky ear
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize