I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
