I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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