Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize