i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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