Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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