I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
