Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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