the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
