How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
