i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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