i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
