Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
