How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
