Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
