i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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