super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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