Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
