nut hugger
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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