I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
