My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
