So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
