Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
