Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
