The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
