she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
