It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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