Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
