Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
