Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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