i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
