I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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