Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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