it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
