Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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