I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
