I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
