Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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