Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
