dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
