Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everyone says I win the strip club
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
