True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So vagazzling was a success
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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