...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
