I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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