just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
