Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
