fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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