If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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