nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize