she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
