Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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