i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
