So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
