If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
