Need sex. Gaining weight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
