New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
