It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
