btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
