i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize