Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
