it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize