I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
