you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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