just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
