Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
