I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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