If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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