I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it glows. i had to have it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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