yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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