look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
