he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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