The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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