a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
